These last three weeks have been used contemplating a friendship I had for a good while. How do I see friendships? Several friendships started out of feeling compassion for them and their situation. I’ve spent much time listening. As time went I realized that how they saw different aspects of life, wasn’t how I saw it. I thought I can accept those contradictions between us, but then something was shared that made that cup overflow. Something that caused me much stress and anxiety like not believing Covid was real, the government is out to get us with the vaccinations etc. I learned I need to pay attention earlier on when my body and emotions don’t feel good in a so called friends presens. I need to pay attention to those contradictions. I am having a look over my friendships. It’s dam tough but necessary for my own wellbeing.
I spent many years trying to have relationships with my family of origin. My mother had strong narcissistic traits. I ended contact with her when I turned 65. I tried so much to get it to work. My mother died a little over a year ago at 92. I thought I would reach out my hand of peace to two younger sisters after a year of her death. Well that went quickly South with me realizing that those narcissistic traits had been successfully passed onto the next generation. So now that is the end of that also. It is being kind to myself and my own family by doing this. What came to me was “Live and let live” life is dam tough.
